weird

Ok, so I don't know if anyone else is blogging but I am it feels to weird not to. This week has been trying to say the least. I didn't wirte for like two days and then reilized how much stuff gets caught and held up. That was on saturday and sunday, and it made me really think. We really do need to write just to ourselves even, it helps so much. So no joke on a positive note I found my new favorite band some of you might know them. Their name is H.I.M their from finland. Thier music tends to be about some gothic things but yet it's so beautiful. It makes you think and yet its good enough that I can't get them out of my head. Although I think their music is starting to drive my parents crazy. lol. I guess these are some random things but I just felt to weird not doing a blog. You know? Even just coming on here and writing about next to nothing makes everything seem normal again. Now don't get me wrong I love the crazy life, it's what I deal with everyday. But sometimes it's just nice to have one normal thing in your life. Like someone addicted to tatoos I am addicted to writing. Wow that sounds lame, oh well. Thats all for now Have a Awsome Turkey Day!!

Sorry.

That word, sorry. It gets so old to hear and say. And it seems to be all that can come out of my mouth to you. I'm sorry i don't listen but you act like you always do. But you don't! I do not feel like i ask much from you. If i do tell me I'll stop. I am at a loss for words. It seems that sorry has lost all meaning to both of us. And that is just sad. That the one word that the world knows, we just have no comprehension of anymore.  How could one family use a word so much that the meaning is lost? Tell me another word that has the same meaning and we can try that. I don't know what else you want me to say, TELL ME!!!!

A Man?

What is the defintion of a man? For who knows how long I have been taught that a man is someone who takes care of his family. But that can't be it, can it? Shouldn't a man treat his woman with respect? Treat her as his equal? requinez that his son has become a good man, and is daughter smart and repectable? Shouldn't he provide safty for his daughter when she is scared? Let his kids be kids when they were little not make them grow up so fast? Allow others and himself to admit and make mistakes? To listen when things are hard? To hear people out? To show kindness when it is needed and muscle and tough love when that is needed? The hardest lessons are these ones. But isn't this what a man should be or is this just a defintion of a dad? Are they any diffrent from eachother? Or are they completly the same? Do you not have to be a man and dad at the same time? What brought all these questions on was that my dad began to yell at my mom as if she was a child and if a man did that to me you best bet he would regret it. On a positive note though my brother Franz is back from Iraq and I am so completly happy even if i am sick. He's back safe and alive.

We'll See

Once again you tell me you realize your faults and that they are not good for you. That he is the heroin and you are the addict who is strong but then relapses. You say you want no more part of him but alas i have heard it before. For now I will hold hope in my barricaded heart. I will work along side you to be ride of your drug once more. But how many relapses can one person help you through? I am not the only one who saw it, you said so yourself. So this time will you hold true to your word? Or will you falter and fall once again? This drug you are addicted to is not one you smoke or inject into your skin but one much more powerful. It is a controlling, so called Godly man, your baby's father. Someone you will never be rid of. But will you continue to allow yourself these harmful ways? Will you get back with him because the church says it's right? I hope you can make the decision for for you and your son. And whatever it is I pray it's right.