IS ANYONE THERE....I NEED ADVICE

SO I don't know if anyone still uses the blogs or even reads them but I just really needed a place to vent. My brothers wife was checked into rehab two days ago for drugs then found out she about three months pregnant but checked her self out of rehab today! I'm so agitated and  mad that I can't even think up better vocabulary to use in this writing. When my sister Dawn found out she was histarical, who can blame her. This druggy took $2000 dollers from my brothers mom to go to rehab and checked out two days later. Then had the balls to say that she doesnt give a fuck about any of us. I condone drug use in moderation if you're sick or it's something spiritual but to let it wreck your life and your family is something else. My family was helping her, giving her another chance when her own family wouldnt, then she goes and pulls this kind of stuff. I'm at a loss of what to do. I don't feel it's my place to tell my brother this but then I flash back to everything. The appartment so bad that if CPS was called his girls would be taken, Knowing she put innocent lives in the crossfire of her addiction, the lies she told everyone in the family so that she could get money. I don't feel we were gullible but just to willing to help without question. I don't know how to deal so if  ANYONE reads these still can you please give me advice.

Last Blog

SO this is our last time having to blog. Strangely it doesn't feel as liberating as I imagined it to. Perhaps that is because I am writing this while battling a sneezing fit of allergies and a cold mixed together. This sucks. If you have ever heard me sneeze multiply it by about 20 and you can see what I mean. Sorry this is such a lame last blog but oh well. I still haven't been able to catch Oreo but today I came very very close, the leash was on his head and as soon as he realized it he bolted. I hope we can get him soon. A scared dog is just as dangerous as a mean dog. Thad's where the aggression comes from, the dogs fear. It's sad really but that's how they cope. Is you have any ideas please let me know, and when coined like all dogs he bites. We need to get him away from the school, no matter how nice he may seem theres always a chance when dealing with little kids.

HASKETT!!! and anyone who felt Kyle's poem not a good subject

So I forgot my password to this account and it sucked getting in to do this blog. But anyways on another note. I hecka liked Kyle's poem today in class. Personally I don't understand why everyone thinks Haskett wouldn't let him read it. Our class is about self expression and saying whats on our minds, it's about finding a voice when no one wants to let you talk. Why on earth would Haskett stifle when she's the one who taught us it? His poem isn't bad or inappropriate. It shows the side of drugs that few see when they first start out and that's what our audience needs to realize. That we're not just a bunch of teenagers making up problems but that we have real issues and this class lets us talk about them freely. If someone doesn't like it than to bad. Writing isn't about making everyone pleased with you its about saying what you believe. People who don't like that just shouldn't ever read. Haskett please don't shoot down Kyle's poem. It's not a out of line subject it's just raw truth that most people don't care to hear. If we don't tell it though, who will?

It's Coming

It's just nagging at me like a child tugging on a mothers skirt begging for candy in a store. It's like blood and chocolate mixed together, one taste sweet and the other bitter. Looming over me like a paranoid boyfriend would as you read your emails. Its a simple two words, Graduation Day. That's it, so simply stated. However i do not believe that all of our class has grasped the concept of this. Yes we already live in the real world but now there will be even more weight put onto us. Even more chaos thrown in the black hole. We will deal with friends leaving and friends coming, and once again we will deal with learning which ones to trust. It's seems as if it will just be high school without assigned seats and classes. So that just leaves the drama. But I'm not convinced that its that simple described. For some unexplained reason I feel as if there is something everyone is forgetting to tell us. Perhaps its just me, so we'll just have to wait and see.

MY FREKEN HEAD!!!

So I have no idea why but every now again my head desides to be a pain in the ass. Haha thats kinda funny if u think about it. But anyways wheil im writing this my head feels as if it will split open down the center. This kinda of lovely pain is called a migrain. For some odd reason my migrains lastg days upon days at a time and the doctors can not figure out why. They've tried pills, shots, and cat scans but nothing seems to work. It pretty much sucks ass. Oh well life goes on, I'll i can do is ride it out again. See you guys soon

It's Time to Grow Up

WHAT A JERK OFF!! I'm so tiered of hearing about the issues he puts you through. Yes, I know you two technically share something that makes you guys bound together for life. However is it nessacery fo him to act that way. To contribute in as little of a way possible, to talk down to you, and to be the main cause of your stress. And when you stress we know what it leads to. He doesnt care though, it's all about how it's going to affect him. Damn it!, he needs to grow up and start looking out for those he says he loves.

It's Real

Some people might say she's blowing this out of proportion, but I wouldn't dare to utter these words. I've been there, I've seen the pain. How she can barely stand, wants wretch every hour, where the slightest wrong touch can send her crippling to the ground. I've been witness to how it plays with her emotions and her mind. Sending horrific nightmares into happy dreams. Those who haven't seen the devastation say shes week and making a huge deal out of it, but shes not. Just try being with this pain for a day and then we can talk. Until then they just need to stay quiet.

On thi

ARRRRRG! I soooooooooooooooooooooo don't want to do this blog. I just want to relax. This stupid musical takes so much time that I just got tiered and ditched practice. I know the show is almost here and I can't wait for it to be over. The final night will be the happiest in my life so far. I just don't want to go to school tomorrow, but I have to. On thursday is the funeral and im dreading that. I just want it all over with. You know?

A Little Advice Please

I don't care about it but everyone else seems to. They just haven't made any difference in my life, you know? I only invited them because then my grandma could come. But I don' even know if I care about having her there. I'm not close to this grandma the one I am close to is no longer here. I know I should be making the most of the time I have with her but it's extremely difficult when you always feel like she is judging you. I've never received advice from her and in a way i regret it. I wish I would have the guts to do more to have a relationship with her but I can't get past the judgment. Any advice?

I think

So personaly I think today was a wounderful day. As far as the weather anyway. I could complain about a few things that didn'd go my way but oh well. It's done and I can not change the past. Besides things weren't to bad. I saw my friends, my family, did a tiny bit of shopping, and now I get to memorize theater lines. Yeah, it doesnt seem so great. Shopping lines were long but at least I had money to shop with unlike other people. Sure friends and family get annoying but mine are still alive and here which is more than others can say. And absolutly memorizing lines is horribly boring, but luckly I have eyes to read with and a brain to memorize with. It just makes me think that I am lucky. Some people don't have these luxuries, and I do. Just thought I would think this out loud.

your thoughts

So I have a question. What is the key to a successful life? To some it is having tons of money. Being able to buy what ever you desire. Others believe it is having family around you. By family I speak of people you trust, love, and would die for.  Some even say a successful life is when you find the one you're supposed to spend your life with. The one person you're not just wanting but needing in your life. Personally I believe that it's the last two and a little more. I'm interested in your perspective though. What do you believe? If you want to write back and let me know.

Now and Again

So once again I have nothing to write about. However the girl I talk about in class today is still plaguing my thoughts. How do you help someone who is so set to die? Who thinks she is so worthless that the world would be better without her? I remember being there I remember the different ways I thought of to kill myself just so that someone would listen. But I helped myself out. I found a outlet to express every emotion I was feeling. Is that the only way to get out of depression. On your own? Once again I'm at a loss for what to do.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRG!

WOW! Yeah she wrote the lyics like she said she would. But how long did it take her? She put it off jepordising are grades so now we're under a huge time crunch and she can't see why were upset. We tried to give her benifit of doubt but she screwed us. Now we tell her she c an do it with us or not but we're not going to try to acomidate her anymore so she gets pissy. Fuck her! She pissed me off one to many times. If she wants to flush her grade down the toilet then fine but mine will not go with her's. And she doesnt even think like that. I tried thinking of it from her perspective but she's the type of person who just doesnt care. Im done doing projects like this with her and if she can't understand why than oh well.

So I really don't know what to talk about. Theres so many things swimming around in my head that i  cant focus. Have you ever had that happen to you? It sucks, huh. Oh well. I just can't wait for my brother to get home. Right now he's a officer training school. He's the one who i talk to for advice. And Thanks Angela for what you said. It means alot to know someones listening. I guess that's what were all her for, huh. And your probably right about my thoughts being scarier than  reality. it would make more sense.

Yet Again

FUCK!! I just don't understand these fucking doctors! They tell my mom that they won't  do surgery because shes not bad enough yet. However they will fill her full of drugs and not see her for a month later. And last night technically to day at around two in the morning she fell again. And then about thirty minuets ago she fell again. HOLY SHIT! I'm so scared and i don't know what to do. My dad won't talk about it he will just yell at me, and I can't talk to my mom. She's just as scared and won't say anything. I just don't know what to do. Everyone keeps saying that I can't put my life on hold for it but how do I leave when I have been taught to always take care of my family? I feel completly helpless and I hate it. If she falls again we're calling a ambulence. My mo was a nurse and she told me that she thinks she's having small strokes. And what if she is? That can't be from bulding dics in her back, right? I just feel so lost.

Sofia Marie

She drives me completely insane. But I can't help but love her. With her brown curls cascading from her head, eyes so big and brown that you can't help but love to look at her, Carmel skin just like her daddy. And to top it all off she has a personality to match her beauty. She's four so she still see's no skin color, no race, no religion, just people. She's able to look past the outer shell that seems to be the only thing a adult can see. She's full of hope and dreams. It just makes me hope she will reach them all. With her personality something tells me that she will.

ACT YOUR AGE NOT YOUR SHOE SIZE

I just don't fully understand it. Why would you want a easy A if it proves nothing? It won't prepare you for college or life. Nothing in life is easy and if it is then you might want to check yourself because you're about to fall. With  no real education we have nothing to prepare us for life. Age, athleticness, and our five sense all go away with time but our knowledge is something will hopefully last forever. Why would you want to squander the oportunity that we have been given in this country? In other countrys people are not as fortunate so why would we choose to make it easy and choose to become uneducated? It's just crazy to me, even a little idiotic. I want to be challenged no just be bored and motivated in the wrong direction. I want to seize the day not squander it. And if that meens more work then so be it. Stop acting like a small child who lost there binky and grow up and reilize what a oportunity we have here.

Blank

Do you ever wish your mind would just go blank? Just one moment in the day or in your life where nothing mattered exept one thing, where people didnt come to you with every problem, where nothing touched you. For just a second you lived for you not for anyone else. That you lived by no rule, no one telling you to not do something. It seems great on the serface but what about beneth the still waters? A current always flows no matter what appears to be on top. And if we cared for no one else, did things only for us, lived bu no rules, no rules, no obligations, then it might be a very lonly life. When we were hurt or scared there would be no one to comfort us no one to stop our tears. So i guess I wouldn't wish for my mind to blank afterall. Life would be hell if no one could think.