Now and Again

So once again I have nothing to write about. However the girl I talk about in class today is still plaguing my thoughts. How do you help someone who is so set to die? Who thinks she is so worthless that the world would be better without her? I remember being there I remember the different ways I thought of to kill myself just so that someone would listen. But I helped myself out. I found a outlet to express every emotion I was feeling. Is that the only way to get out of depression. On your own? Once again I'm at a loss for what to do.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRG!

WOW! Yeah she wrote the lyics like she said she would. But how long did it take her? She put it off jepordising are grades so now we're under a huge time crunch and she can't see why were upset. We tried to give her benifit of doubt but she screwed us. Now we tell her she c an do it with us or not but we're not going to try to acomidate her anymore so she gets pissy. Fuck her! She pissed me off one to many times. If she wants to flush her grade down the toilet then fine but mine will not go with her's. And she doesnt even think like that. I tried thinking of it from her perspective but she's the type of person who just doesnt care. Im done doing projects like this with her and if she can't understand why than oh well.

So I really don't know what to talk about. Theres so many things swimming around in my head that i  cant focus. Have you ever had that happen to you? It sucks, huh. Oh well. I just can't wait for my brother to get home. Right now he's a officer training school. He's the one who i talk to for advice. And Thanks Angela for what you said. It means alot to know someones listening. I guess that's what were all her for, huh. And your probably right about my thoughts being scarier than  reality. it would make more sense.

Yet Again

FUCK!! I just don't understand these fucking doctors! They tell my mom that they won't  do surgery because shes not bad enough yet. However they will fill her full of drugs and not see her for a month later. And last night technically to day at around two in the morning she fell again. And then about thirty minuets ago she fell again. HOLY SHIT! I'm so scared and i don't know what to do. My dad won't talk about it he will just yell at me, and I can't talk to my mom. She's just as scared and won't say anything. I just don't know what to do. Everyone keeps saying that I can't put my life on hold for it but how do I leave when I have been taught to always take care of my family? I feel completly helpless and I hate it. If she falls again we're calling a ambulence. My mo was a nurse and she told me that she thinks she's having small strokes. And what if she is? That can't be from bulding dics in her back, right? I just feel so lost.

Sofia Marie

She drives me completely insane. But I can't help but love her. With her brown curls cascading from her head, eyes so big and brown that you can't help but love to look at her, Carmel skin just like her daddy. And to top it all off she has a personality to match her beauty. She's four so she still see's no skin color, no race, no religion, just people. She's able to look past the outer shell that seems to be the only thing a adult can see. She's full of hope and dreams. It just makes me hope she will reach them all. With her personality something tells me that she will.